The Cosh Report for Reporters

Colby Cosh has created the master list of ways to present drug information to the gullible public. He's crafted carefully calculated approaches to all discussion on drugs, to ensure the greatest scare factor. Reporters, the hard work has been done for you . . . now all you have to do is clear a space on your desk for the inevitable Pulitzer.

IF A RECREATIONAL DRUG:

• promotes drowsiness or lassitude: you can frighten people about it by warning that legalizing it will create impaired drivers, impaired pilots, impaired helmsmen of Viking ships, etc.
• prevents drowsiness or lassitude: you can frighten people about it by warning that prolonged use induces lack of sleep and hence psychosis.
• is expensive: you can frighten people about it by arguing that the crippling costs of addiction ruin human lives.
• is cheap: you can frighten people about it by emphasizing its "availability" to the young and the impoverished.
• is physiologically addictive: you can frighten people about it by describing in detail the Goya-ish horrors of detox.
• isn't physiologically addictive: you can frighten people about it by warning of the nerve-shattering psychological "crash" that invariably follows heavy use.

Update: Here is the column he was researching when the master list was revealed to him in a vision.