Television will never be the same

Gregg Easterbrook outlines the new TV shows to premiere on the TMQ channel this fall:

"Detective Wormhole." A police officer from a mirror universe is teleported to New York City and must search for a scientist who is about to destroy the Earth by turning on a super-advanced atom smasher. Running joke: In his reality, New Yorkers are incredibly polite.

"Incomprehensible." Ten people of diverse backgrounds awake to find themselves on a beautiful island guarded by the Loch Ness monster. They locate a series of mysterious prophecies warning of the destruction of humanity. A stranger appears in their midst without explanation. Beneath the island are stairs leading to a cavern full of Mayan ruins. A rescue plane circles above the island, sending radio messages in an unknown language. Gradually they discover they are acquiring superpowers. They find an extremely strong power generator that appears to be of extraterrestrial design. Five figures dressed in white robes walk out of the water and refuse to speak. A room of scientific experiments is found, many in progress, as if the scientists had just left the room. They come across a table set for an elaborate feast. One day a child holding a lamp appears ...

"CSI: Park Service." Someone didn't take out the trash. Jimmy Smits and Jenna Elfman will stop at nothing until they find out who.

[. . .]

"How Low Can You Go?" Television network executives compete to win a big promotion by coming up with the most exploitive reality series. Weekly reality show-within-a-show is the highlight. In the pilot, Tom green-lights "Tenement," in which volunteers are locked in an abandoned apartment building full of famished rats. Stephanie backs "Platinum," in which attractive women have 24 hours to see who can make the most money as high-class call girls.

[. . .]

"Dexter and the Housewives." Cutting-edge situation comedy about a serial killer who tortures ditzy women to death in their over-decorated suburban homes. Zany, madcap action as the hero uses power drills and rotary saws on his helpless victims in extremely graphic scenes, all the while engaged in hilarious misadventures with a roster of wacky, zany friends. USA Today gushes, "Combines 'Hostel' and 'The Dick Van Dyke Show.'"